The Impostor Syndrome and Me

Lately I keep bumping into this term, the impostor syndrome, and it got me thinking. I knew about it before, I knew it might apply to me too, but I didn't really think about it. And I don't actually keep bumping into it, it's just one of those situation when you see something, think about it and then suddenly you notice it almost everywhere. That's called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Isn't it great how every single thing has a name and someone studied it and now we are able to understand it and act accordingly? Same with impostor syndrome, impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome or impostorism how it's also known as.

In broad lines, what is the impostor syndrome and why it happens?

impostor syndrome
noun; uk: /ɪmˈpɒs.tə ˌsɪn.drəʊm/; us:/ɪmˈpɑː.stɚ ˌsɪn.droʊm/

1. the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.
2. "people suffering from impostor syndrome may be at increased risk of anxiety"

SINGULAR AND PLURAL
noun: impostor syndrome; plural noun: impostor syndromes
noun: imposter syndrome; plural noun: imposter syndromes

There is a connection between the impostor syndrome and a few factors. Some of these factors can be family expectations, overprotective parent(s), racial identities, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, perfectionism etc. These factors are not mutually exclusive and are some of the most common in individuals expressing impostor syndrome. 

The impostor syndrome can be divided into five main categories: 

01. the perfectionist 

02. the superwoman/man

03. the natural genius

04. the soloist

05. the expert

Based on studies (it was first introduced as the impostor syndrome by Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Dr. Suzanne A. Imes in 1978 and has since been studied numerous times), we know that more than 70% of people experience the impostor syndrome at some point. Often people experience the impostor syndrome in their career, but it is not limited to a work space. It can be experienced during school or even in relationships with family, friends or a significant other where people would start to think that they tricked other people into believing they are capable of doing something, that they tricked people into thinking they are nice or explain what's happening on nothing else but luck. There are no set guidelines, but it can be identified and addressed accordingly. 

How I experienced the impostor syndrome and how I reacted to it?

Reading about it, a lot of things become clear to me. Growing up I met some unrealistic expectations in school, I was praised regarding certain subjects, and later I developed some degree of perfectionism that often made it difficult for me to complete certain tasks academically, but also regarding things I used to do just for fun.
 

I never really thought about what determined the impostor syndrome to me until now, and while I think it is important to know the origin of things, this wasn't as important to me in order to start and solve it. What made me take a step back and look at things from another perspective is that I noticed I was sabotaging myself. I never thought something was good enough so I wouldn't talk about things, I wouldn't share them and that meant I wouldn't advance in any way, in any direction and I didn't enjoy things as much. This has also affected my self esteem. I sometimes found myself thinking I shouldn't chase an opportunity because I don't have sufficient knowledge about it although it was not required.

Even now I tend to go over something dozens of times to make it look a certain way or express something in a certain way and it usually involves details that people don't generally notice or care about.

I think I managed to solve it somehow, in a sense that I try to not dwell on something too much and just tell myself fuck it and do whatever I was going to do. I try to stop myself from attaining that impossible level of perfection, but it still holds me back sometimes. If I were to write down a set of steps on what I do to solve it, it would be these:

01. remember how many things I gave up on because they didn't look 'right'
02. don't nitpick on things once I completed them
03. don't erase something because it doesn't meet a certain arbitrary standard

I allow myself to go back on something and make changes, and sometimes I start over. I came to the conclusion that sometimes it's way better to start something from scratch than to make a lot of changes and become frustrated when it doesn't turn out the way I want it to.
 

I'm obviously not an expert on the matter, I read about it on wikipedia and I probably still have a way to go, but I'm glad I was able to identify it, acknowledge it and start working on it. And I think it's really freaking ironic how I think, while writing this, that maybe I fooled myself and I never experienced the impostor syndrome, I'm fooling myself and anyone who reads this, and if that isn't the greatest thing about this syndrome then I don't know what it is.